I walk into a banquet room filled with buzz and business card exchanges in full swing. I gulp against the growing lump in my throat and fight hard the urge to walk out the same door I came in.
Someone very confidently reaches to shake my hand before I can hide. “What’s your name? What’s your blog?” My reply is lost in the buzz. I am ok with that. I am still shaken someone asked for my blog, like it was a credential or a credit. To me this is just a canvas for my world. A very imperfect canvas splashed with words and colors and tears and hope. I don’t have enough business cards with me to last dinner and I am ok with that too.
Dazed by the crescendo of meeting and greeting going on, I slip into silence. “God what have you got me into?” The canvas of my world stretches so thin, I feel it just might tear and me with it. And maybe even that is ok. Aren’t torn places thin places and Jesus ripped the veil so we could see through to Him? Rip me open Jesus. Make me real, unveiled, see-through in love.
This weekend empties me out, strips me bare and realization dawns.
I only care if I am relevant to Him. If I am relevant to heaven, then His love will cause my life to become a revelation of heaven to the earth.
High school fears clamor fierce and I hear their echoes loud all around me. And then comes grace and Him and I know. I no longer CARE if I fit in on earth because I fit in to Him, perfectly and there alone is freedom.
I do not have to perform or network or even attend it all. More does not come by frantically grasping, it comes with open handed offerings and slowing down to live from the inside out. I will not miss out unless I miss Him. Walks in the snow speak through silent places the stories of redemption spilled red to wash us white.
I laugh alone in hallways because I really have nothing to prove. I don’t give a rip about growing my blog platform, or any platform for that matter. I don’t. I love YOU dear one reading these letters splashed out on a screen, YOU who graces me with the beauty of your time and your journey. I just want to go low, stay close and walk slow so I can hear the whispers of His Kingdom all around me.
Papa, make my life relevant to heaven so I can become a revelation of heaven on the earth.
I am truly grateful for all the beautiful hearts and lives I have met this weekend. Grateful for seeing Him profoundly in unexpected commissions and tender gazes piercing me through even this morning. Grateful for the grip of His goodness. Grateful for the thunder in the desert that announces the coming rain. Grateful for freedom to just be and be HIS. Utterly relevant, wildly real and totally immersed in love.
So what about you my friend, are you living relevant to heaven and then resting, trusting heaven will make you relevant to earth? What torn places does He want to turn into thin places where His reality engulfs the depths of who you are and spills out into your world?