Summer Dreaming


Two years ago today I was walking through the most difficult season of my life.

Profound loss, deep betrayal, violent relentless slander, severe health problems and the uprooting from people I loved and a place where I thought I would spend the rest of my life.  All of these things together became a perfect storm that stole even my desire to dream again.

{The one bright spot in the storm was knowing God brought the children in South Sudan and staff I still hold in this mama’s heart as family a wonderful missionary team, expatriate and local, to love and lead and guide and serve them as they enter an amazing new season of growth. It has been a joy to watch seeds I saw planted begin to yield a harvest and to know their future is filled with God’s goodness.}

Today I stand on the other side grateful to God for transforming even that which He doesn’t initiate into the very things that lead us deeper into His calling on our lives.  While I miss my family in Africa everyday, I know there is greater fruitfulness ahead than lies behind for all of us.

Storms are invitations to dance with Jesus.  When you get high enough above the squall, even the most turbulent storm has beauty.   And every storm has lessons.

Years ago someone told me prophetically I would come into a new level of grace and authority to teach and impart and see great healing come to those who specifically have been survivors of spiritual and pastoral abuse.  The word, when it was given, made absolutely no sense to me. I lived in Africa and worked with children and the unreached- not the previously churched.

If the person wasn’t who I knew him to be and the circumstances weren’t so unusual for the word he shared, I might have filed what he said as inaccurate.  Now years later it explains and gives context not only to my most recent journey, but to so many other earlier experiences as well.

In the next weeks and months, I will begin sharing some of the things I’ve encountered and writing about pastoral/spiritual abuse and its prevalence in the church, focusing on how we can see some of the unhealthy conditions that give rise to it begin to shift and change.  I’m not here to point fingers or place blame.  I’m here to raise a call for growth, healing and transformation.

Some of what I share may not be popular and I’m OK that.  If everyone agrees with you all the time, you probably aren’t saying much.  While I have lost much in the last two years, I have gained so much more than I lost.  I’m the person I am today because of it.  As hard and painful as the season was personally, what the enemy meant to destroy God has turned into a gift.

I have found my voice and boldness in ways I never would have if not for having to stand in the onslaught.  The storm has only strengthened my roots in Him and given me greater authority to speak into some vital areas few venture to touch.

Doors are opening and the dawn is rising and while there is much I may never understand about the past, the future is bright with His promises. I can’t wait to explore this new season of His dreams unfolding and journey with you into them.

You are loved.  Wildly.  From His heart and mine.  I’m so glad you are here.  Wishing you a weekend full of His wonder.