There are words that suck all the air out of the room, and make your lungs scream defiant, terrified all at once. Words like “stage 4 cancer” spoken over someone you love. Reports like a change in treatment protocol needed because the old combination of medicine is no longer working the way it should. Gratefully, there are lots of options left. And we choose to be hopeful and prayerful that the changes will work powerfully with minimal to no side effects.
But the fact that rogue cells gained any traction at all in the body of someone I love so much makes me hate these twisted imposter cells all the more.
My years in a war zone trained my brain to default to worst case scenarios. There worst case scenarios could be buffered by contingency plans and strategic interventions. Now worst case scenarios just lay like lead lined blankets that make getting out of bed in the morning a feat close to scaling Mt Everest some days. Worst case scenarios are entirely unhelpful in this new war zone.
Right now it is not just a battle about disease, it is battle about time. About what we will do with the days and months and years we are given.
Because truthfully no one knows the time that remains. Not one of us. Some of us are simply in life situations that make us more aware of that fact than others.
What if the weather forecast called for 100% chance of storms next Tuesday? Would that forecast stop us from enjoying today’s sunshine? Of course not. We would not let tomorrow’s storm steal today’s sunshine.
But so often we let fear of loss, of failure, of a million things that may never happen steal the only thing any of us ever truly has: the moment we are in right now.
Then there are the things that though they likely will happen eventually, focusing on them ahead of their time steals today right from under our feet.
Focusing on what ifs steals what is. Focusing too hard on the future empowers a reality we have not yet been given the grace to walk through. That friend is where my fight comes in.
My fight is won and lost by what I choose to focus on.
There are some things you just have to set your face like flint towards and refuse to be moved. I may not be able to change certain circumstances, but I sure can change the way I relate to them. And I REFUSE to let tomorrow’s grief steal today’s joy.
Utterly refuse. Today is too precious. I refuse to let a future grief steal the present moment to build memories and love well. Today by grace I will live and love well. I will cherish the present and receive it as the gift it is. I will choose to let tomorrow worry about itself and trust the One Who holds me and the futures of all the ones I love in His hands.